The Heroes Of New York
by Azulastalker
Summary: The Leverage team has a discussion about Hardison's new toys.


Sitting in the back room of their pub in Portland, Parker smashed together a Hulk and Thor doll.

"Hulk smash!" She yelled before colliding the toys again. The rest of the Heroes of New York set laid spread out on the table in front of her.

Hardison walked into the room and found his girlfriend playing with his action figures.

"Parker! What did I say about being rough with them? These people fought aliens from a portal to deep space and you're bashing their plastic heads together! How am I going to get them to sign them if they're all chipped? I'll look like a bad fan." He said, walking over and snatching Thor from her hands. He inspected him before looking at the rest of the Avengers.

"P-Parker?" He hesitated, looking at his girlfriend next to him, who was still waving the Hulk around.

"Yeah?" She answered, distracted by the toy in her hand.

"Wh-Where's Iron Man's head?" He stuttered, as he often did when he was anxious. He picked up a headless Iron Man and held it to Parker. It's head was ripped right off and the place where the head used to be was jagged.

"Hulk and Iron Man were fighting and Hulk has super strength; it flew off over there." She said nonchalantly, pointing to the floor.

Hardison's mouth dropped open as his eyes followed her finger. He closed his mouth and nodded his head. His eyes started blinking rapidly.

"Mmhmm." He hummed. "Parker?"

"Yes?" Hulk was fighting Captain America now.

"You can't just knock their heads off, Parker! They're the good guys and they are the Heroes of New York!" He collected Iron Man's head from the floor and attempted to put it back on. With no luck, he turned to Parker again.

"Well what else am I supposed to do with them? There's no Loki doll, so I have to make them fight each other!" She replied, crashing Hulk and Captain America together as an example.

"First off, they are action figures. And second, give me them!" He snatched the action figures from her hands and collected the rest on the table. The image of Hardison trying to hold all six in his arms looked quite ridiculous. "And third, Loki is not a Hero of New York."

"Yeah, but you can't have only good guys in a set. That's boring. Who are they going to stop?" Parker said, her face contorting in confusion.

"They'll stop any bad guys that come along-"

"Like Loki." She interrupted.

"Not with the Heroes of New York." He said sternly.

"Exactly! So I had them fight the Hulk! Sometimes he hulks out and can't control himself, so they have to stop him and Iron Man loses his head." She motioned to the headless doll.

"First off, happy that you know your stuff. Makes me very proud. Second, no more beheading the Avengers." A smile crossed his face for a second before he held his action figures slightly harder. "Especially Iron Man. You know he's my favorite."

Parker grimaced. "Sorry. But I have to make it interesting if there isn't a Loki doll for them to fight!"

"They can't make an action figure to the guy who tried to rule us all!" Hardison said.

"Yeah, but that makes the dolls boring!"

"They are _action figures_!"

Eliot strode into the room at that moment and looked right at the two.

"What are you guys arguing about? I thought we had a job." He said, his face making that usually angry look. He stood near the quarreling couple, arms crossed.

"Parker beheaded Iron Man." Hardison showed Eliot the action figure, waving it around a little bit.

Eliot swatted it out of his hand. "I don't care about your little toys. There's more important things."

"Action figures! And she knocked his head right off!" Hardison held up the head.

"I don't care!" Eliot said, leaning in closer.

"And they don't have a Loki one to make it interesting!" Parker interjected.

"They can't have that." Eliot shook his head.

"Told you! Thank you, Eliot." Hardison gestured to his teammate.

"Why not?" Parker asked, an incredulous look on her face.

"They can't immortalize a terrorist like Loki. It'd make people sympathize with him and he killed thousands of people, so we can't have that. It's a psychological government thing." Eliot shrugged.

"But that makes playing with the dolls no fun!" Parker said, her hands out on either side of her.

"Action figures!" Hardison corrected again.

"Forget about the dolls! Hardison, put those down and show us the job!" Eliot gestured to the giant screen in front of them.

"Alright, fine." Hardison put his action figures down on the table, away from Parker's reach. Eliot sat down next to Parker and Hardison picked up his remote. "David Shorelong. CEO to Food Corps. Low wages, low maintenance, and low quality of food."

A picture of a middle-aged CEO popped up on the screen, along with pictures of horrible conditions in the supermarkets. Parker leaned forward and reached for the Hulk doll. Hardison looked back at her with a raised eyebrow and she leaned back, her arm returning to her side. Content, Hardison turned back to his screen, clicking the remote again.

"We think he's been embezzling money to feed his gambling addiction. The quality of his stores have gone down considerably . . . "


End file.
